The middle seems like a strange place to start. The Summer Solstice, “Midsummer” was a few days ago. The Bay Area is in the middle of another heatwave. My current company is in the middle of a transition. I’m somewhere in the middle of Silicon Valley, in the middle of my “prime” years, sitting in the middle of an air-conditioned cafe. Here, in the middle is where I’ve decided to begin.

We tend to put so much emphasis on when we begin, than the act of beginning. Our new diet and exercise plan begins with our New Year’s resolutions. We clean out our closets in the Spring for a fresh start. Maybe the sense of collective transition makes accepting change more bearable, or maybe we’ll feel better if our resolutions fall through. Then when we end up in the proverbial hamster wheel waiting for the “right time” to jump off, we join the other would-be resolutioners seeing another year come and go, secure in the stability of an invariable life. That’s where I found myself this year, in the middle of 2019 – in the middle of a better self-identity, in the middle of a job I loved, somewhere in the middle of making it a career. If not for several events this year that became the motivating factors for change in my life, I might not have asked the critical question, “What do I really want?” Insert Ryan Gosling meme here. And while I don’t necessarily believe in fate, I do think we’re brought to the crossroads at serendipitous times.

I never really made a “5-year-plan”. I always plugged myself into a pipeline, trusted the process, and worked hard to get to where I wanted to be. In my year-end reflections, I think about the ways I’ve grown or changed, what stayed the same, and the challenges I’ve overcome. I gain a sense of accomplishment knowing I’m not 100% the same person I was the year before. But I don’t think I’ve ever asked myself what I really wanted for my life and career, and I was always afraid of putting things in motion due to the timing, the state of my emotional stability, and financial security. Caught in the whirlwind of adulting, and creatively burnt out from college, I forgot about the parts of myself that were missing. I missed having a creative outlet to express myself. I missed having a space sharing my thoughts and voice. I missed writing.

My boss once told me that I can be like an octopus (or I suppose in my case a squid), trying to do many things at once and waffling about. That’s certainly true of trying to organize my thoughts around my many passions. Some days I’m interested in the variety of the human experience, some days I want to share my favorite new outfit or food, and some days I want to write about how they all intersect. Maybe committing to a blog will provide the structure and outlet I’m searching for.

So here I am beginning again, resurrecting my dormant passion for writing and other media (who knows, maybe you’ll catch a karaoke cover from me). I hope you’ll enjoy the ride with me.